Networking is one of those things we love to hate.

It conjures up the image of the big event where everyone’s scrambling around collecting business cards. And, if you’re like me back in the day, then you’re either standing in the corner pretending to be on your phone, or stuck talking to someone you can’t get away from without being rude.

But true networking goes way beyond those big events. Having a network is vital to getting ahead in your career and making career transitions without all the stress.

In this 3-part guide, I’ll share some of the critical insights and strategies I learned from building a winning network over my 24-year career, most recently as COO for Morgan Stanley Europe.

I’m sharing this with you because I don’t want you to make the mistake of neglecting your network and finding yourself at a dead end in your career. I’ve seen my colleagues do it, and it almost happened to me. And in a little while, I’ll tell you how I got back on track.

At some point in your career, your smarts and work ethic alone won’t make enough of a difference anymore. That’s when there’s a big difference between the career paths of those who’ve built their networks and those who haven’t.

It happens to everybody eventually, and that’s when your network can make or break you.

How about you? What would your life look like with a winning network to guide you, support you and pave the way for your career path?

5 Qualities of a Winning Network

From my own experiences over the years, from watching people do this well, and from coaching my clients, I’ve come to see that a winning network carries these 5 superpower qualities:

  1. Portable, meaning it travels with you no matter where you work so your investment is never wasted
  2. Supportive, as it helps you get where you want to go and picks you up when you’re down
  3. Dynamic, in that it’s constantly morphing and changing along with your needs
  4. Liberating, because it’s the best way to ensure your career possibilities are never at the mercy of any one person or organization
  5. Powerful, in that it helps you advance, whether you’re already well positioned or you’re starting over again from scratch.

The bottom line is this: when you have a powerful, winning network, more opportunities will come your way and advancing your career becomes easier.

That means you’ll have more time and energy for what matters most to you, whether that’s enjoying life with your family and friends, getting fit, or expanding your business interests.

Now, I didn’t always have a great network.

Starting out as a “nice Chinese girl”, I thought all I had to do was keep my head down, work hard, and do what I was told to do. I was there to do an excellent job, and I didn’t see any value in networking. It seemed a waste of time.

Plus, I felt shy and lacked confidence – I was that person too afraid to raise my hand in class – so I was only too happy to avoid those extra dinners and events in favor of staying at the office and working late.

But that attitude only got me so far, and it wasn’t far enough because I wanted to keep rising in the organization.

Then I had my lucky break, which led to my “aha” moment about networking.

My “Aha!” Moment About Networking

I had a big pitch with a prospective client, and was preparing like mad. Then I learned their CFO was going to join the meeting too. Since I wanted to match seniority for seniority, I invited my boss’s boss to join the pitch. He agreed. And I prepared like mad some more.

The big day came, and we flew to Houston where I ran the meeting. It seemed to go well, but I was so nervous I couldn’t be sure.

Afterwards, I took a cab to the airport while the big boss met with other clients. I was almost at the airport when my phone rang. It’s my big boss. I thought I was about to be fired, but instead, he said, “May, that was the best client meeting I’ve ever been to. If I were a client, I would want you as my banker.”

After that, he started introducing me to various senior people around the firm. At first, I was uncomfortable, not knowing what to say and not understanding what was happening. Then I realized he was helping me to build up my network of powerful contacts.

In a short space of time, my network had made a big leap forward, and my career prospects along with it.

The interesting thing is that it had nothing to do with attending a large conference, and it didn’t take lots of extra time. It was about connecting with a few key people.

Since then, I’ve had some amazing opportunities because of my network, such as…

  • Being chosen to run a business unit without having to interview for the role
  • Being approached for a job offer to work with someone who would later become the president of PepsiCo (I still wonder what would have happened if I had accepted…)
  • Landing a Trustee role on a non-profit board
  • Getting to work with the president of the most innovative university in America
  • Landing my biggest coaching clients

If only I had started to build my network earlier. My career progress would have been faster and less stressful. Now, let’s bring this back to you, your network and your career opportunities.

The Strategic Approach to Building Your Network

In this first part of this guide, I’m going to share the first big takeaway from my years of networking, which is: You must take a strategic approach to networking.

This means approaching networking purposefully in a way that works for you and not getting distracted by what everyone else does.

The 3 Kinds of Networks That Make Up a Winning Network

Most people think that the bigger your network, the better. But that’s not the case.

A smarter way to think about it is this. Recognize that your network isn’t one single entity. In fact, a winning network is made up of 3 kinds of networks, and you need each of these networks to be successful in your career. This is based on research by INSEAD Professor Herminia Ibarra, who is an expert on how leaders create and use networks most effectively.

  • Operational – This consists of the people who can help you get your work done. They’re individuals who can block or support a project.
  • Personal – This is made up of kindred spirits, typically outside the organization, who can help you grow personally and professionally. They’re the ones who are most helpful in finding new opportunities when you’re in transition.
  • Strategic – The people in this network are outside your sphere of control, but they can help shape your thinking, future goals and direction. For example, they may be other functional and business-unit managers, or they may be external to your organization.

In the early part of my career, I had a fabulous Operational network, which helped me to excel at my job. In fact, I was very proud of knowing everyone in the organization I needed to know so that I could get things done to a high standard.

But then it became clear this was going to become a limiting factor. No one knew me beyond the people in my own unit and a few junior colleagues in functions that supported my unit.

In my eagerness to work hard and do a great job, I had neglected my Personal and Strategic networks. And if I wanted to progress in the organization – which I did – then I needed to do some serious work on those parts of my network.

This imbalance was at the root of some of my career slumps and ruts. Among the issues I ran into because of the gaps in my network were:

  1. Thanks to my exceptional Operational network, I was seen as great at getting things done on time and to a high standard. However, I was not showing much creativity or “out of the box” thinking.

    For example, when senior people asked me and my colleagues for ideas for growing the business, or what we would do differently if we were in charge, I often had nothing to say. That’s because I hadn’t spent any time talking to people who might have a fresh perspective. I was solely focused on excelling at my assigned job.

  2. My lack of a substantial Personal network meant I sometimes ended up feeling trapped in my current role with few other options. So when someone got promoted ahead of me, or I ended up reporting to someone who was previously a peer, it felt like the end of the world.

    Instead, I needed to build relationships with people I could turn to for career development strategies, and who could help me make connections beyond my unit and my organization. This, in turn, would have helped me be more effective at my role as well.

  3. I missed out on opportunities to show I could see the bigger picture because I lacked the broader perspective that a Strategic network brings.

    The truth was, I really didn’t have a broader perspective at that time! This hurt my ability to be a better advisor for my clients, and also held me back from getting bigger responsibilities relative to my peers.

When you look at your network in these three distinct parts, it makes it easier to see gaps in your network and the types of people you need to build relationships with.

The good news is that it’s never too late to start working on each of these networks. The most important thing is to get started.

Networking is about relationship building to begin with, and then maintaining and nurturing those relationships longer term.

Now, knowing the types of networks you need is not enough. You also need to know who specifically to connect with. Otherwise, you’ll still struggle to be purposeful and efficient in building your network.